The slowest walk you have ever seen
My daughter Noa was falling farther and farther behind us.
We were at Club Med in the Dominican Republic, walking our girls to kids camp, and Levi was thrilled. Ready to go. Noa was not. Her head was down, she was fiddling with her clothes, and by the time we got near the door I heard that tiny little whimper every parent recognizes. The tears were about ten seconds away.
Then a counselor we had never met saw her coming.
She dropped all the way down to Noa’s level and complimented her hat. Noa smiled. She told her a joke, and Noa giggled. Then she pulled out a sticker, and Noa loves stickers.
I watched my daughter’s whole body change. Shoulders down, head up, whimper gone. It took less than a minute, and that counselor had not said a single word to us yet.
Reputation got us there. One person let us relax.
Here’s the part I did not notice until weeks later, when I sat down to plan this episode.
We chose Club Med specifically because of their kids camp. They are known for it. Years of families, years of reviews, years of parents saying the same thing. That reputation is why we booked the trip in the first place.
But reputation is not what let me relax at that door.
What let me relax was one woman, one hat, one sticker, and about sixty seconds.
Those are two completely different things, and almost nobody separates them. Trust is accumulated. It is built slowly, across a lot of experiences, and it is the reward for a track record. Safety is felt. It happens immediately, with someone you have never met before, and it does not require any history at all.
Which matters enormously if your brand is small, because you do not have years of history yet. Someone who found you yesterday cannot possibly trust you the way she trusts a brand she has known for a decade. But she can absolutely feel something in her first few seconds with you.
She relaxes, or she does not. And that moment is available to you no matter how small you are.
Most of us are trying to convince
In my coaching, this is where I watch that first moment go sideways more than anywhere else.
Most content falls into one of two buckets. There is attraction content, which is trying to get someone to follow you. And there is conversion content, which is trying to get someone to buy. There is a whole middle layer that almost everyone skips, and that is a conversation for another day.
But here is the biggest miss I see. Attraction content does not have to convince anyone to follow you. And when it tries to, it works against you.
Think about the parent version of this for a second. “Don’t be nervous, camp is going to be so fun, you are going to love it.” I have said it. I think every parent has said it. And we all know exactly what happens next, which is that the lip wobbles harder and the tears come anyway.
What convincing actually does
Three things, and none of them are what you want.
It tells her something is at stake. If you have to work that hard to get her to believe you, there must be something worth doubting. The reassurance itself confirms there is a reason to be nervous.
She can feel the effort. Kids clock it instantly. The harder we hype camp, the more suspicious they get. Grown women are no different. When someone is working that hard, something quiet in her registers that this person wants something from her, and the natural response to that is to brace.
It hands her a job. Now she has to evaluate. Do I believe this claim? Is this actually true for me? Is she legitimate? And nobody can evaluate and relax at the same time.
I will tell you what it feels like on my end. When someone is obviously trying to convince me of something, whether it is a salesperson or a post in my feed, I get defensive. It feels like my autonomy is being taken away, like the decision is not mine anymore. And I teach this for a living.
That is what convincing does. It takes the choice away, so she defends it.
This versus This
Here is what the shift actually sounds like.
Convincing: “This one shift will completely change the way you grow your business.” Ease: “Here’s the one sentence I would change on your sales page today.” And then you give her the sentence, and you are done.
The first one is all promise. She has to take your word for it and wait to find out if you were right. The second one hands her the sticker.
Convincing: “If you’re exhausted from posting every day and getting nothing back, you need to hear this.” Ease: “I rewrote the same caption four times on Tuesday. Then I posted the first one.”
The first one tells her how she feels, which is “don’t be nervous” wearing marketing clothes. The second one is about me. It is specific, it is a little funny, and it lets her recognize herself on her own terms.
Convincing: “I have helped hundreds of women grow their businesses, so here’s why you can trust me.” Ease: A real caption, before and after, with your thinking said out loud.
The first one pleads its case. The second one just holds out a hand.
Every convincing version is a promise about later. Every version next to it gives her something to feel right now.
The part I keep thinking about
Back at the door, Noa had her sticker and she was smiling. She turned around, gave us hugs and kisses, and then the counselor held out her hand for Noa to take so she could walk her inside.
Noa ran right past it. Straight into the building, without looking back.
My husband and I just stood there, excited for her and so relieved. Relieved that we could relax.
That counselor never took the decision away from my daughter. She did not pull her or coax her or argue for camp. She made the moment feel good, she offered her hand, and then she left the choice completely with Noa.
So Noa chose. And she chose it running.
Convincing takes the choice away, so she defends it. Ease leaves the choice with her, so she can relax enough to make it.
I think that is also part of why people relaxed around me this summer. I pulled way back on content on purpose. I was still working, still coaching, I just stopped producing constantly and let myself enjoy my life and my business for a while. Nothing broke. And I was not trying to convince anyone of anything. I was just living it.
✨ YOUR ACTION STEP:
Two parts this week.
First, look. Pull up your last five posts meant for people who do not know you yet. Your attraction content. For each one, ask yourself a single question: was I trying to get her to believe something, or was I giving her something to feel? No judgment here. Just notice where you slipped into convincing.
Then, decide. What is your sticker?
Your sticker is the one specific thing you can hand a stranger in her first few seconds with your brand. Something she would genuinely love. Something that asks nothing of her and leaves the choice completely hers.
And yours will not look like anyone else’s. For one founder it is a laugh. For another it is one sentence of relief. For another it is a before and after she can use that same afternoon.
That counselor knew a joke and a sticker would land because she looked at Noa first. So look at your person first, then decide what she would love.
Final Thoughts
If you take one thing from this, let it be that you are not behind because you do not have years of reputation yet.
Reputation is a lovely thing to build, and it takes exactly as long as it takes. But it is not the only thing available to you. The moment is available to you today, on your very next post, with someone who has never heard your name. That is not a smaller version of trust. It is where trust starts.
And the work is quieter than you think. It is not about being louder or more persuasive or more polished. Most of the time it is about doing less to her. Less convincing, less proving, less pushing toward a conclusion she has not reached yet.
You do not have to convince her. You just have to make the moment feel good, hold out your hand, and let her decide.
And when you get that right, she will not just take your hand. She will run.
Kary ♡
